Mother’s Day - A Story of Grief
Tomorrow is Mother’s Day here in the United States. For many mothers this holiday brings joyful emotions reminiscing on the day they saw those two little pink lines for the first time. The day they got to cradle their babies in their arms when they let out their first cry. The day they are know by the world as a mom. The day their households grew by one and their lives changed forever.
For some mothers this holiday is a heavy one. For some mothers this holiday is full of sorrow, anger and a heartache they just can’t mend. It’s hard to celebrate being a mother when you don’t have your baby girl or little man here to celebrate your day with you.
Mothers all over the world feel this mutual emptiness - an unspoken disenfranchised grief - that no words can fix and no time can heal.
Mother’s Day is hard when you’ve experienced a chemical pregnancy. Mother’s Day is hard when you’ve been told, “we can’t find a heartbeat anymore”. Mother Day is hard when you’ve had to medically terminate, even if it was the best decision for you at the time. Mother’s Day is hard when you’re longing to be a mother and have had countless failed attempts to bring your little one into this world. Mother’s Day is hard when you long to be a mother but you physically can not be. Mother’s Day is hard when you have had to say “farewell” to your baby and walk out of a hospital room or the NICU emptyhanded. Mother’s Day is hard even when you have your earthside children by your side on this day, because a piece of your heart is in heaven. Mother’s Day is hard when a part of your family is missing. Mother’s Day is hard when you loose a child - whether they were a baby, a child, a teenager, or a grown adult themselves. Mother’s Day is hard when your soul is grieving the exact reason you should be celebrating.
Heartbreakingly, those mothers do not feel seen. Those mothers do not feel validated on this holiday since they do not have their children here to hold in their arms. They do not have little bare feet running around screaming “MOM!” every waking minute of the day. Oh, how they would long for that sound. They’d give anything to hear “MOM!” just once. Those mothers ache on days like these because they don’t get marker scribbled handmade cards to hang on the fridge or little hands giving them a fistful of weeds picked from the garden. They do not have heir children by their side to “prove” to society that they too, are a mother.
But little do most know this holiday began because of a mother just like you. Yes You!
The history of Mother’s Day began in 1908 when a woman named Anna Maria Jarvis dedicated the day to her own mother. Her mother, also named Anna, gave birth to eleven children but only four of them survived past infancy and or early childhood.
On May 10, 1908, three years after Mother Anna’s passing, her daughter held a memorial ceremony to honor her and all the mothers at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church in Grafton, West Virginia, marking the first official observance of Mother’s Day.
Anna Jarvis delivered 500 Carnations to the first Mother’s Day ceremony in honor of them being her mothers favorite flower. In 1913, the U.S. House of Representatives passed a resolution calling all federal government officials to wear white carnations in observance of Mother’s Day. The following year, the U.S. Congress passed a law, designating the first Sunday in May to be known as Mother’s Day - a nationwide memorial for mothers and motherhood.
So you see, the very first mother to be honored on Mother’s Day was a grieving mama. Just like you. Mother’s Day was born to acknowledge grief.
So this Mother’s Day don’t feel invalidated because you hold your babies in your hearts rather than your arms. Celebrate being a mother and Mother’s Day how you see fits for you. Celebrate with loved ones or spend the day in solitude. Commemorate your child by wearing something that remind you of them - a necklace or a tattoo. Speak their names. Rock that Mom title and wear it proudly - you earned that title! Honor them how you choose. There is no right or wrong way.
Feel how you feel. Grief how you grief. Take all the time you need.
No matter how your motherhood journey has gone, your journey is valid. Your role as a mother is valid. Your grief is valid. Your children are most specially valid. You are seen. You are heard. Not only on Mother’s Day but every day!
Happy Mother’s Day to you